right now

I've spent so much of my life wishing and willing for it to be in the next big stage.

Another year and I'll get a later bedtime like my big brother...
Just a couple more years and I'll be able to drive...
14-months until I move out on my own...
This summer I'll move halfway across the country...
Two more classes of grad school and then I can make some real money...
Our wedding is just 6-months away...
Soon we'll have the keys to our new (to us) house...
T-minus 365 days until we launch (work stuff)...
A year Almost 7 years from now we'll have a baby...

So much time was wasted waiting for the next big event.  I know I missed so much of what was right in front of me because until the next big thing happened, I was in hyperfocus goal mode to just get through this one. more. thing.

I didn't stop living, of course, but my mind was never fully present in the right now.  I could only have my fun in short bursts because I had to get my scatterball of a mess head back to my fantasy world where all the big stuff was complete and I was finally able to enjoy it all.

After 12 and 11 years with the same employer, MJ and I both said good-bye.  Our year has been filled with uncertainties and changes in both our families...illnesses, job loss, financial strain, location changes, fighting addiction, psych wards, nursing homes, group homes, accidents...  Seriously, it has been a rough year.

There are likely more changes in our year to come.  Maybe some schooling.  Maybe a move.  Maybe a whole lot of next big stages on the horizon.  And yet my mind isn't racing trying to accomplish it all without enjoying what is right here.

Right now.

On this playground.  Seeing the world with the excitement that comes from finding an abandoned sparkly purple necklace on the slide.

Or running up and down a ramp at the swimming pool over and over and over...

It is right here.  With crooked pigtails, crazy curls, and upside down teddy bear kisses.

It is in the discovery of finding water beads on blades of grass.

It is stuck in a never ending game of making silly faces just to see what will come back my way.

There is always dog hair on my floors and an abandoned load of laundry being refreshed in the drier one more time.  I really need a haircut and my email inbox will likely never be caught up again.  I have so much planning and research and implementing to do for our next life stages on the horizon, but I know it will all eventually get done.  I'll live that day when it gets here.

Today I am in my right now...and it is just where I need to be.