I guess I knew on some level that writing a want-to-adopt type of blog would eventually lead to a change in the cast of characters if all went the way we hoped it would. It did, and now there is a living and breathing little human as well as her birth families to consider. What is mine to share and what is not? How anonymous is this space really? As adorable as she is, do I really want her picture out on a public space without her permission?*
To write about my thoughts and feelings on open adoption requires me to have some experiences with open adoption. Those, I have. They are shared experiences though. I'm not sure how to write what I want to write without oversharing or projecting. I know it can be done as I have seen many of you do this beautifully. I'm just struggling a bit to overcome some likely irrational big scary interwebz fears.
Mostly I like the rule that if I write something about someone here and they happen to find and read it, they will be okay with what I wrote, after they look past all my swearing and sarcasm, of course.
Blogging thoughts rolling around my brain... pick none, pick one, pick 'em all (or your nose) to answer if you'd like to.
- If you blogged (are currently blogging) before children, how have (will) you change(d) what you share publicly and why?
- If you share (plan to share) pictures and stories of your children on your blog, how do (will) you reconcile feelings regarding their safety and privacy?
- Do (Will) you have any safeguards in place (watermark pictures, fake names, etc.)?
- Will you stop when your child reaches a certain age?
- Really, any thoughts regarding any of this would be helpful. Am I an overprotective crazy who just needs to get over it and get on with it?
Obviously I post pictures, I can't help it :) But I don't use their real names for what that is worth.
ReplyDeleteI don't share details of my kids' stories or the details of their adoption. I am fiercely protective of that story as theirs and theirs only to share. People assume what they will but I don't provide information.
It's all tricky, isn't it? Infertility blogging was so, so much easier--that stuff just flowed right out of my brain onto the keyboard and into the blogworld, mostly without a filter, ha!
And they are all kinds of adorable. ;) I'm glad you post 'em. We have hardly shared anything with our family or friends about Firecracker's birth families. There is nothing to hide and there isn't anything we won't tell her at age appropriate intervals, but we don't want someone to think she already understands some part of her adoption story and start talking to her about it before we have. We figured the less everyone knows, the less likely this is to happen. I know they think we are crazy overprotective and I'm okay with that. They will likely learn things only if Firecracker decides to tell them later on.
DeleteIt is so so so much trickier now!
I have two blogs: this one, which is written under a pseudonym and contains no face photos or real names, and a blog on a website with a privacy filter, where I can pick and choose who can see what, where I write with my real name and image. One of my bridesmaids was from that website and I have many friends I've met in real life from there, because it's protected. Here, I just can't see ever revealing too much, not ever, but so many people do. I might just be wary because I'm so used to having my privacy.. Who knows. Do you read The Bloggess? She's ridiculously famous and somehow still keeps a fair amount of privacy for her family.
ReplyDeleteI will hardly keep up with this blog so I know 2 blogs are out of the question. LOL. You are an overachiever, girl! ;) I'm just trying to find that happy medium that shares my thoughts and experiences with adoption without revealing too much of my daughter or her birth families' stories. Her privacy and safety are number one. I've never had to think so hard before hitting publish. My infertility thoughts flowed without a filter. ;) I haven't heard of The Bloggess, but may have to check her out. Thanks! I'm sure I will figure out something that is comfortable. It's just all so new yet.
DeleteWhatever you decide...should you choose to blog, I would love to read!
ReplyDeleteMy hope is to be in shoes similar to yours someday, and I'd love to hear more about your new beginning...and, of course, lots of Firecracker photos. ;)
So are you planning to start blogging again too?! Hint. Hint. ;)
DeleteI'll comment on this one anonymously. ;)
ReplyDeleteI blog under a fake name and both of my children have fake names as I want to protect their privacy. I do post pictures of them, but am careful with not revealing too much info (where we live, places we visit regularly, etc.). I do watermark my pictures even though it is a pain in the ass and I also locked my blog from being right clickable so nobody can save my photos. Of course, if someone really wants them they can take a screen shot and crop away. There is no foolproof way except not posting. It's really a personal choice.
The adoption stuff is tricky. I share enough to talk about adoption, but not too much that I feel too much of my children's stories have been shared. Not really helpful. LOL.
Maybe just share a little to start and check your comfort level. It can be a balancing act sometimes. Of course, I would LOVE to see some pictures of Firecracker!!! Good luck!
Thanks for all your thoughts! I'm testing it out and will see how it goes from here. I may yank it all yet. LOL.
DeleteMost days I wish I had not put up so many pics of my son. Then on other days, I'm so glad I can share him with all of my url "friends". I don't talk about his adoption story and background at all online. I am tempted most days to go back and password protect photo posts, then I think, just lock down the whole blog, then I get all sentimental and it's hard to make a decision. ARGH. I don't feel the same way with my family blog or facebook though, so I think for me it has more to do with his pictures connected with my infertility story and all the ugly mess that went with those years of struggling. I wish that I had started a new blog before he was born. Maybe. I don't know. LOL, I'm no help!
ReplyDeleteYou most definitely helped me to realize that I am not alone in my thoughts. ;) So if I freak out and take all the pictures down, at least someone understands where that crazy comes from. LOL.
DeleteI use our first names and lots of pics on our blog. I go back and forth on it all the time...whether to keep writing or take it down. I do know that I like that I've "met" so many people through blogging and it's helped when I have felt very alone. I also like that I've been able to help other people as they are trying to figure out if they want to adopt or if they want to have an open adoption. It's tough, though. And I try very hard to censor what I share - I want our daughter's story to remain HER story.
ReplyDelete